Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Reading the internets

Is hard work.

I firmly believe there are intelligent people out there. Lots of them. I run into them all the time. In fact, I frequently run into people who are able to tell me new and previously unconsidered intricate details and information about things I personally already know a great deal about. The "world wide web" is not this place where I run into such people. Online, I frequently run into sentences like this gem:

"i bet u still can do [expletive deleted] against cheaters, big words nothing behind, will see, i wish u gl"

Now, there are many ways to interpret this sentence - none of them definitively correct. But since it has been "said" (read: written) it almost demands that the brain dissect and attempt to understand it.

First of all, let's dispose of the internet norms of non-speech which are relatively easy to interpret. "U" means "you," "i" is actually "I," "gl" is an abbreviation for "good luck."

Secondly, the entire context of the sentence suggests the word "can" was actually meant to be "can't." Why the typist wrote "can" instead is a mystery, but I imagine it has something to do with a) abject laziness - the apostrophe and "t" key were too far to reach, b) an allergy to using apostrophes (however, most typists have this same malady and it doesn't prevent them from typing contractions anyway [i.e. "cant"]), c) an ignorance of the existence of the word "can't." (This seems most likely. Perhaps this gentleman/lady believes "can" is to be used contextually only and that in some instances it can mean "can" while in others it can mean "can't.")

Thirdly, the second fragment of this caveman speech is almost entirely without meaning ("big words nothing behind") but I am going to make a wild assumption and say he meant "although you state with bravado that you are in fact capable of preventing cheaters." It could also mean a variety of other things though. For instance, "Your big words have annihilated my brain and now there is nothing left in their wake," or "You have used large words to make your point and their largeness seems to obscure the fact that there are no other, smaller words which I might be able to understand following behind them," or "Big words mean nothing and I will put them behind me now," or possibly "The use of large words is reserved for people who have small butts." It is truly difficult to say for certain.

Fourthly there is the insistent "will see" which almost certainly means "we will see" with another misuse of the concept of contractions, but could also be referencing a person named "Will" who might be a mutual acquaintance. Again, it is nearly impossible to say for certain.

At least it ends with a kind sentiment. Or at least I think it does, since that part of the sentence is actually designed somewhat correctly as far as the English language is concerned. Now that I consider it, though, the writer could have meant something entirely different and accidentally mis-typed it as a fragment with actual meaning but not the meaning intended. In light of the rest of the sentence, this seems to be a real concern.

In any case, what I interpret this "sentence" to be saying is:

"I would bet you still can't do anything against cheaters. Although you state with bravado that you are in fact capable of preventing cheaters, time will tell and we will see what happens when your game is re-released. In either case, I wish all of you good luck."

So.. this moron is actually kind of nice. Perhaps he/she/it should be encouraged?

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